HOW TO BUILD A HAPPY FAMILY AND AVOID DIVORCE

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY FAMILY AND AVOID DIVORCE

Happy families produce happy communities, which produce a happy nation. And happy nations are both creative and highly productive.

A happy family is product of a healthy relationship between the husband and his wife, and between children and their parents.A healthy relationship between a man and his wife, between parents and their children, will only occur when the relationship is a loving one. And their are skill to having a loving relationship.

A woman has unique needs from her husband in order to be happy and vice verse.Also, children do have unique needs from their parents to be happy members of the family. Whether the children are happy or not directly affects the family. Now, understanding the unique needs of each member of the family and doing our best to fulfilling it is the key to building loving relationships and the consequent creation of a happy family.

When there is prevailing love in the family, infidelity will go,drug abuse will go, juvenile delinquency will be greatly reduced,and the incidence of divorce, which has gone to an unprecedented level in the world today, will be quite reduced; what we shall then have is increased productivity at work places and healthy societies. Happy families make a happy nation. Happy nations make a happy world. Let us go back to the families if wish to ever solve the problems in the world today. The first place each and every one of us existed was our various families. That is where we are laregely made or mared, and what we have is what we bring into play in our communities, our nations and our world, whether it be good or bad.

We shall divde this article into three sections.The first shall deal with how to be a good husband and a good father so as to build a happy family; the second section shall deal with how to be a good wife and a good mother so as to build a happy family;finally the third section shall deal with how to be a good child in the family, this is neccessary because our children need to be taught, before they can live in a way we desire.



HOW TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND AND A GOOD FATHER

1. How to be a good Husband

Being a good husband is an art. It takes skills in identifying what your woman needs from you, as a man and how to skifully bring her fulfillment to those needs, as much as you can.

Women have unique needs from their men which arise from their unique emotional make-up.They require these need to be fulfilled, at least to a certian extent,for them to be really happy, and freely give their best to their husbands and children; and build a happy family.


Your wife needs you to show gratitude for the little things she does for you and your family as a whole. Doing so makes her feel encouraged and happy to do those things more and more.such a happy woman exudes love, and soon fills your family with an atmosphere of peace and love. You can express gratitude to your wife by simply sayiny 'thank you honey' for every good thing she does for you no matter how small the are.You can also show gratitude by giving her gifts-flowers,ring, undies and so on.You will be surprised that she would value those things so much, at times even more than the one which she bought herself.And whenever she sees them, they represent a tangible expresion of your loving gratitude.


Your wife always need an abiding love from you.Love has three dimensions;thoughts of love,words of love, and deeds of love. for your love to be strongly expressed to her, you have to think thoughts of love conerning her.let it be love that ccome to your heart each time you think about her. you also need to speak tender, love words to her. One genuine ' I love you sweet heart' every day can do wonders.One genuine tender peck on her cheek before you hurry to work can sustain happiness in your family. Then this love needs to be manifested in your actions, your attitude toward her , her achievements, her mistakes and her weaknesses. rejoice with her in her achievements, and don't be critcal toward her mistakes and weaknesses. instead discuss it with her and encourage her to make changes where possible. 'love covers a multitude of sin', the bible says.Condeming her will achieve the opposite of a happy family.You can also show love by helping her out in the kitchen at times, help dry the plates as she washes them;prepare surprise cookies and dishes for her occassionally, help her iron her cloth at times and so on . you know what, doing these things does not make you less of a man. Instead, they make you more of a capable husband.


Women love to be told that they are bauletiful, charming, pretty, sexy and such thing like you have bauetiful eyes, gorgeous lips and so on. Telling your wife those 'sweet nothings' can pull out the best out her, for the happiness of the family. make no mistake about it, women love to be petted. So, don't be a 'commander general ' in your home. Gentility and loving care does it.

TO BE CONTINUED

AFRICAN YOUTHS ARISE AND SHINE

TEN LAWS OF OVERCOMING OBSTACLES THAT STAND
AGAINST THE VISIONARY AFRICAN YOUTH.

INTRODUCTION
This article is not for sale, but is intended to encourage youths all over the world to pursue the realization of their visions and dream ,especially the African youth who have numerous challenge.Constructive criticism of this article is welcome.Happy reading

Now, if you are a visionary and ambitious young man or woman then you will face more challenges than your seniors in any area of human endeavor. That is why young people who surmount those challenges, are usually, widely celebrated.

These obstacles to young people who want to make significant impact in their youth, which is biblically right, is very common in Africa. I do not know where that stemmed from, but I think it resulted from some negative culture and systems in Africa.Now not all African culture are negative, but some part of it has done more harm than good,and has succeeded in creating many negative mental models in Africa. these negative mental models are the bane of development in Africa, especially as it affects the young people.

Another possible factor is the age long poverty, which has come to make many believe, that you must become an old man before you finally succeed in the school of life. Consequently, these cultural and economic influences have created a mental model in the minds of many in Africa, so that many have consciously or unconsciously constituted themselves, their organizations and co-operations into obstacles and retarding factors to success in the youthful age, as well as the associated productivity which is the bedrock of national development and trans-generational growth. And because they have continued for a long time, many nations in Africa have remained very slow at best, in their development.

There is such a thing as a new generation standing on the shoulders of the older or past generations. This is a simple natural process of growth, which is either addition or multiplication or both, but never subtraction which is unfortunately common in many African countries. Africa is a great continent with great nations. Her only sin is that she has got wrong; very wrong mental models for every area of life. This is very disturbing as I have observed many visionary and ambitious youths withdraw into their shells and some have handed their fate into two hands of pseudo work and subtle long-standing servant hood. Actually there is a time to follow, and a time to lead. But unfortunately the wrong mental model concerning youthful success and influence has produced more followers, than leaders in Africa. Every nation, every continent is on a journey of destiny, and for it to get there some people who are true leaders must lead the way. But because of the negative mental model concerning youth success and influence, Africa has more often than not produced leaders who discover what leadership really means at a very old age. At times after they have already been soiled and dented by corruption, which most times was handed over to them.

No doubt, some people in Africa have succeeded in their youth and made positive impact with their youthful strength and energy, which is God’s gift to every nation. I salute these ones. But tragically, they are very few. Because they are few, and we do need more and more successful and influential wise young people, I wish to challenge the other youths to brace up and overcome the obstacles that are stacked against them, though they be numerous.

I wish to challenge the youth of every nation in Africa to boldly pursue the realization of their innovative ideas and vision. May be we have not realized that, the youth of Africa are responsible for changing Africa now. Our great fathers and mothers have done well in so many ways. But it seems to me that most of them have already played all their visionary and innovative cards. They are looking up to the youth, though many of them may not publicly admit it. For example, only the youth can stop the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa. This is a strong asserting, but the truth is that the youth constitute the most sexually active population of Africa and over 90% of HIV/AIDS infection is sexually transmitted.

Now for the youth to succeed and become influential for positive change, they must become aware of the realities, which arise from wrong mental models which is prevalent in Africa with regards to youthful success and influence. They also need to have principles or laws with which to overcome these real obstacles. Finally, it is important that you do not take the treatment you get, because of the wrong mental models, personally.That gives you the ability to objectively deal with the challenge,which you face.


CHAPTER ONE


REALITY I.
Some people will question your experience and even make moves to stop you from being in a position of influence, just because you are young.
Now, this is understandable, because the young person may not be as experienced as the older one.

OVERCOMING LAW .I.
Do not take this personal. But demonstrate consistent ruthless efficiency and excellence in everything your hand finds to do. Let this become your way of life. Let this argue your case of inexperience, because not always does experience mean wisdom, vision or innovation. And many of such positions of influence will be looking for you to occupy them.

CHAPTER TWO

REALITY II.
Some people will despise your youth, and tell you it is not time for you to do this or that. They will try to set their own timetable for your development, success and influence, which is needed for positive impact.

OVERCOMING LAW .II.
Do not take this personal. But despise their baseless timetable. Set your own realistic timetable for personal growth and development.

Target specific landmarks of your growth and development and a lot time to them. Then, relentlessly pursue your dreams and vision. You can be a huge success and have international influence even as a young man or woman.

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CHAPTER THREE


REALITY III.

Some people will look down on you even take actions which are anti-progressive based on that, just because you are young man or woman trying to make a difference as a youth.

OVERCOMING LAW III.

Do not take this personal. But never, I repeat, never ever look down on yourself, no matter the circumstances, no matter the gravity of your mistakes. The world is full of successful stakes as well as grave mistakes. If nobody had ever made mistakes, we wouldn’t have heard of world war I, world war II and several senseless civil wars around the world.

If you look down on yourself, then you are doomed. But if you rather believe in yourself no matter what, and boldly correct your mistakes and advance your visions, innovations and dreams which are positive, than those that once looked down on you, will soon be looking up to you.


CHAPTER FOUR

REALITY IV.
Some people will try to intimidate you just because you are young. This at times rise from their feeling of insecurity, superiority complex, or even inferiority complex, at the sight of your new and innovative ideas which threaten theirs as inferior or old fashioned.

OVERCOMING LAW IV.
Do not take this personal. But never, ever allow yourself to feel intimidated. Even if your life is on the line, stand your ground firmly, if you think you are right. Take wise action.

Most times, those who refuse to be intimidated and despise death, do not die. But cowards die many times before their actual death. And often their dreams and vision, which would have moved Africa and the rest of the world forward is the first to die because of unfounded fear.




CHAPTER FIVE.


REALITY V.
Some people will not believe in your skills and abilities because you are a youth. Some may even try to limit your opportunity to acquire more skills and abilities because in their opinion, you are not yet fit for such positional opportunities.

OVERCOMING LAW .V.
Do not take this personal. Do not argue with them. Quietly but aggressively drive yourself to the level of skill and ability that is beyond the normally accepted standard in your profession or field of interest. Then let the results that you deliver in your work and projects argue with them. They will soon seek after you, and then you can freely determine your price.



CHAPTER SIX


REALITY VI
Some people will regard and treat you as a “small boy” or a “small girl” just because you are young. They may even attempt to prevent you from occupying a position of influence, because, in their opinion, you are immature, a conclusion based solely on your age.

OVER COMING LAW .VI.
Do not take this personal. But consistently see yourself as a mature and full-blown man or woman. Develop strong characters for yourself and carry yourself with dignity and humility. If you are a man or woman of good character, then you are mature, no matter your age.

Secondly, develop yourself as a leader. Take leadership courses and seminars, and live by leadership principles. Finally, remember that it is important how you see yourself. The bible says that “as he thinks in his heart, so is he”.



CHAPTER SEVEN.


REALITY VII.
Some people will expect you to fail in your ambitious projects, just because you are young.

OVERCOMING LAW VII.
Do not take this personal. But go for nothing short of success. Get proper counsel from the right people who are progressive, before embarking on your projects. Pray about it very well. And make sure you are able to complete it once you start.

Now, if you happen to fail, never see yourself as a failure. Rise again and pres on for total success in that project. Sometimes, initial failure is a necessary step toward lasting success. The world is full of successful people who succeeded after several failed attempts at success.




CHAPTER EIGHT


REALITY VIII.
Some people will try to control you and decide which direction your life should go, just because you are young. They may even go on to subtly keep you dependent on themselves for the rest of your life. Your dreams and aspirations matter little to them.

OVERCOMING LAW VIII
Do not take this personal. But look for something that will give you leverage to turn the relationship into partnership or have a clean break from their control.

You may need to sacrifice the pseudo benefits you are getting from them and release your visions and innovative ideas which all of Africa has been waiting for.

The earlier you become independent of your salary, the better for you and your dreams and vision. Salary is the commonest string of control and there are many high paid workers who have totally lost control over their time. Many marriages have suffered, many children have gown up untrained because their parent are under “time slavery”. Many great dreams and vision have been buried for good. This is common among the youth. And it’s time the youth wake up to this reality and overcome it.



CHAPTER NINE


REALITY IX.

Some people will try to exclude and isolate you from the hem of affairs and decision-making, in issues in which you are a stakeholder just because you are young.

OVERCOMING LAW IX.

Do not take this personal. But right from day one, consciously build up alliance with men and women of influence in your profession or field of interest.

Nations become stronger through alliance. You too can adopt that principle. Never think that you can succeed in isolation whether imposed by others or self-imposed.



CHAPTER TEN


REALTY X.
Some people will try to selfishly use you, just because you are young.

OVERCOMING LAW X.
Do not take this personal. But consciously make the relationship and inter-dependent one no matter with whom you have it. Develop yourself to the extent that losing you will be a real loss to him or her. Become indispensable to your organization or co-operation. Become a problem solver, a solution provider. Become heavily relevant to him or her or your organization. Develop a reputation as the one who proffers creative solutions and innovative ideas.

In the other words, build up a strong leverage for you to force interdependence. Remember, the first step to inter dependence, which is how we are meant to live on earth, is independence.